Rumors, Rumors, and I want my daughter!

So the internet and the agencies are burning up with rumors about the delays for referrals. No longer six months, it's now eight months. Or maybe 10-12 months. We'll just have to wait and see. I want my daughter. She could be born already, and every minute that passes is another minute that she is alone. Maybe she's still with her birth family. Maybe not. At some point, whether it's happened already or not, she will be left. Maybe in a market. Maybe at the orphanage. I obviously can't stop that from happening. And I can't control the time until I get her. But that doesn't mean that I don't wonder, every single day, if this is the day that she will be found. And frankly, that thought just sucks. There have been some wonderful posts on my DTC Yahoo group* about how those of us who form our families through adoption end up on this path becuase it is a path we can walk. I haven't commented on those threads because most who have discussed this have come from the perspective of infertility. That isn't our issue (or, to clarify, we don't think that's our issue. We haven't tried) and I don't want to say anything that seems to demean their pain. But I really feel we are on this path because we can walk it. There's really no other explanation for this inexplicable draw I have always felt towards adopting from China. Not just adopting (though I would). Adopting from China. It's been such a strong draw that I can't imagine turning away. Luckily, I married a man who understands this draw and is in on the ride. I have never doubted how much he will love Baby. I'm not really comfortable with the "God-speak." And particularly in the adoption context, where some people talk about "saving" their children from living in a Godless country. I will celebrate if my daughter comes to me and says she is a Buddhist. I will give her the tools to make those decisions. I'm digressing. My point is, we are on this path. I don't know, exactly, why. Maybe it's a God thing. Maybe it's a kismet thing. Or a red thread thing, as the Chinese saying goes (the saying originated between lovers but has been appropriated by the adoption community to mean the connection between parent and child). But it's our path, and frankly, it's a tough one for people like me who are used to controlling our lives. There's no control here, but just faith that on the other end, our daughter waits. And that is worth it. Happy Thanksgiving. *a DTC yahoo group is a cyber-support group for people who sent their dossiers (applications) to China at the same time. The thought is that we will all be on the same timeframe, and possibly travel together.